Putting the knife into those hilarious knife commercials you see on TV

When TV programming is lacklustre and you find yourself channel surfing for the ninth time in as many minutes, it's often amusing to stop on your nearest infomercial to behold the amazingly bizare facts about a particular product that the advertisers believe is essential knowledge. Ignoring the fact that a lot of those features are actually quite useless in reality... (like the fact that with your stoneware cooking pans, you won't scratch them when cooking stones...because nothing beats a home cooked meal. Of stones.)

Knife commercials are a personal favourite of mine as most of them suspend belief more than a local candidate's election promises. Oh I'm sure most of them slice, dice and chop as well as they state...it's just the way they prove it to you that makes it so unintentionally amusing. Like so:

Cutting through a bathtub: So it's sharp enough to cut through a bath... which would undoubtedly come in handy if you're a plumber...or if your bath needs a haircut I guess. But I'm yet to meet a plumber who actually goes to work with a kitchen knife and if I did I'd probably think twice about hiring them again...

Cutting through a thick leather boot: I have had steak before, over cooked to the point where it probably tastes like a slick of thick leather work boot. But I've never actually looked at a work boot and thought 'I'm sure there's a fillet or two that I could hack out for a meal until payday'. If the strange need does arrive though, I know which knife I'm going to use...

Throwing the knife into a chopping board: Not lightly placing, but a well thrown knife hurl that would make a knife man at your local circus green with envy. I'm not sure exactly what it's trying to prove, embedding your newest knife purchase into a perfectly innocent chopping board, but it seemed important to the people who created the commercial at the time...

Cutting wood first - To prove that they stay sharp no matter what, they saw through wood, glass, stones and anything else (drain pipe) within reach and then proceed to slice through a vegetable. Because they know the average knife consumer is also really bad at DIY and uses a butchers knife in place of a table saw...

The samurai pineapple slice: Throw a pineapple up in the air, swing your knife like a ninja weapon and watch the fruit amazingly split open in two! (Missing the bit where two halves of freshly sliced pineapple end up crash landing and undoubtedly exploding all over the floor...)

The upside down tomato chop: And my personal favourite - rest the knife tip on a chopping board, rotate it around so the bladed part is on top and then prove how well it slices through tomatoes...by throwing them at the knife. Oh yes, instead of slicing the tomatoes with the knife, throw them at the exposed blade and watch them perfectly slice! Because as we know, you're not really classed as either a top chef or a master of the kitchen knives unless you spend your time throwing tomatoes at your knife set...

Oh wonder knife, if only you could make a decent coffee. My life would be complete!